After the Camino I slowly started to build up again from three days to six days of training. In May, just before I left for a training camp in Crete, I was back in the full program. For this reason, we have decided to open the racing season later, on July 1. This is also the date of my aunt’s death and has been a difficult day for the past few years. It doesn’t feel that way anymore.
It feels powerful to open on this very day.
Below you can see where I will be running competitions. Always nice when you can come and watch and encourage. I missed that a lot last year.
I had a good training camp on Crete. It got off to a good start because the rubbish bin was already my best friend. This training camp was special for several reasons. I participated for the first time with RTC Brabant Atletiek led by Joep Janssen. RTC Brabant Atletiek consists of a group of young Brabant athletes who have ambitions to become top athletes. Some win medals at the Dutch Championships and others want to go to the European Championship or even the Olympic Games. There is a nice atmosphere in this group and everyone can be themselves and is very driven. I discovered that I need to train in a group to get better.
Last year Keith Antoine from Great Britain was my head coach and Joep worked with him. Some had an opinion as to whether this was wise. Still, it was something I needed at the time and was curious about his approach. My training sessions were mostly only with Joep. And Joep and I found out that we can handle the adventure alone. In addition, I noticed that remote coaching does not work for me. So I wrapped it up nicely with Keith after Tokyo.
Joep is a young talented trainer at Prins Hendrik in Vught and for him I am his first para-athlete whom he can guide higher to the top. Conversely, this is the first training season for me in which I have found peace and a stable relationship of trust with my coach. I was allowed to look into different cuisines and I also needed that to discover what suits me. But working at such a high level, the bond with your coach is essential. That basis must first be good before you start thinking about the next steps. Sometimes I also clash with Joep and then we don’t always agree. But it has to be, that’s part of it.
The bond between coach and athlete is not always easy going.
My partner also came by in Crete for a midweek to take pictures and see how the training sessions are going. It turned out that it was a man with a plan. On his birthday he proposed to me. After 7 years of relationship he knew for sure and so did I. The best part is that he did that the moment I could say I love myself. If you don’t love yourself, you can’t love anyone else.
I flew back to the Netherlands with a ring on my finger. All in all I feel like the happiest woman in the world.
I now feel that I’m in great shape and I’ve never felt so much in the mood for competitions. Except for a few minor aches and pains, I was able to train well and remained intact, partly thanks to Hashtag Physio. There were tough workouts that made me nauseous. Sometimes I still marvel at that. How hard you have to work to get a few tenths off your time. Athletics is arguably one of the toughest sports out there.
I can still remember when I saw the 4x400m team from the Netherlands train in Stellenbosch. It is the combination you must have. The talent but also the will to do the work for it. There just aren’t many of those people. It’s really a tough job. Also keep in mind that some athletes don’t get paid for it and have to work side by side. An amateur football player still has a good salary. More attention should be paid to sports in general in the Netherlands. Media is mainly about football & Formula 1.
While there is so much more inspiration than that.
We would sit in the car listening to the song Sunny Days by Armin van Buuren and I would take your hand. You then squeezed my hand back and smiled at me. You radiated warmth and love. With your eyes, you said, “I’m here for you, girl.” My aunt took her own life on July 1st, 2019.
Some people say, “That was three years ago, wasn’t it?” Processing grief is complex, and there is no right or wrong. Everyone does it in their own way. This year I decided to actively do something with it. Because I was ready. Letting go of someone you couldn’t prepare for is one of the hardest things. Mourning is a sport. Since July 1st, 2019, I have been doing two top sports simultaneously. It consumed me completely; the scales were not in balance.
Why did I walk 125km in 6 days?
There will come a time when you will have to move on without your mother in your life. This moment came when I was 8 and a second time when I was 29. I had such a sweet aunt who was willing to inadvertently take on that role in my development as a mature woman (8th to 29th). Some people go through losing a parent—when it comes naturally—much later in life. There was no one left with a mother role in my life. This painful fact gives me an official sense of maturity and requires me to stand on my own two feet. That realization and the associated process are not simple.
After the Tokyo Olympics games, I thought a lot about why it was bronze. Which route should I take to be even faster in Paris? I would have given it a few years if I wasn’t a top athlete. But I didn’t have this time, so I couldn’t help but look my fear, pain, and sadness straight in the eye. The mirror of my own pain.
My aunt had left me letters, leaving me with all kinds of unprocessed emotions for a long time after her death. November passed, then December. Then January 2022, no difference came. I mostly felt sad. I was shocked, and I no longer recognized myself. After 3 months, I called in the auxiliary troops. The top sport went into the background for three months. I only trained over three days instead of six. Professional sports were no longer the most crucial thing in my life. I needed to put myself and my mental health first because I hated feeling this way. I recognized that I could not get out of the pit alone. After all, you don’t do anything alone.
A pilgrimage to find and lose something
I talked to a mental coach and planned a solo walk. They call it the Camino in Spain, a pilgrimage. So people often think that only believers walk this route. But during the walk, I met enough ‘non-believers.’ People who wanted to enjoy the peace and the beautiful landscape or just wanted to be on the road. Some walked the Camino for a deceased loved one, like me.
I started in Valencia Do Minho in Portugal and ended 6 days later in Santiago de Compostela in Spain. It was 125km. 20 km per day, and the last day was 25 km. I did this alone, an exciting but conscious choice. This was my process. Sometimes you are allowed to step out of your safe harbor to develop yourself.
During the walk, I realized that even if you do something solo, you are rarely really alone. During such a walk, you meet different people, each with its own story.
During the walk, I wrote several letters back to my aunt. Even though I knew she wouldn’t read them, I visualized this. I did this mainly to give space to my own emotions. It felt as if I was walking with a heavy backpack. However, that backpack got lighter with every letter I wrote to her. The burden I felt gradually eased.
What have I started?!
During the hike, I faced physical challenges such as blisters on my stump and strenuous uphill treks. I regularly scratched myself behind the ears and asked, “what the hell am I doing?” I discovered that walking is different from sprinting. Yes, I’m in great shape, but I didn’t do this for a while. Because I’m not trained for this. What this type of walk asks of your body is something completely different. Still, I made it because the top sport has prepared me for the mental challenges that physical problems bring. So I made it, but that took a lot out of me.
On the last day, I saw that church in the distance and couldn’t believe my luck. It was still 5 km! My body was screaming stop this. I discovered that I can stand on my own two feet without my mother and – when the time comes – even without my father. My father has already given me everything I need to know. The loss of my aunt will always remain, and that is allowed. You have loved someone very much for a reason. This love will always remain.
Death is something that comes after life. Sometimes unnatural, sometimes natural. Sometimes you get so caught up in life on things you have no influence on, but that happens anyway. The trick is to let the emotions be there and stay in the moment. Because NOW is all we have.
In my case, I walked it out. Step-by-step. That’s one way too. My advice would be; to find your way.
I am enjoying running fast on the athletics track for the first time in a long time. I owe that to the team of people who are now around me.
Why did I want to do this again?
That unrestricted feeling.
The peace in my body and mind.
That I have nothing to lose.
That it will be okay.
I found that.
Do you have any questions or comments?
Put them in the comments.
There’s more to come before the competition season starts. So keep the blog and my socials.
Inside the Japanese design lab revolutionizing and democratizing prosthetics
CNBC visits Tokyo-based running prosthetics company, Xiborg, and meets Dutch Paralympic medalist, Kimberly Alkemade, who credits the organization with supporting her success.
During this season I ended up in the top 6 on the 100m and top 3 for the 200 meters of the world and I participated in 18 races. In every single one of these races, I learned something new.
I learned so much that it lead to a ticket to the TokyoParalympics. And what I like best about the current situation is that I did it my way. To achieve this I had to put myself first and make a lot of adjustments, to my environment, my team, and my equipment. I am so proud that I managed to do this. Especially when I look at the state I was in when I started training with Joep in June 2020.
Back then one stip-up felt like too much. The process I went through taught me that you have to be in a good headspace to be able to use your body at its maximum potential. To get there I needed to go back to basics.
On top of all of this, we had to deal with all the COVID-19 issues and roadblocks. For a time I wasn’t even allowed to complete my power sessions in Vught. With no clear alternative at had, I had to find out what was possible.
Luckily Brabant Sport quickly helped me out by making TeamNL Centre South available to me for my Power sessions in the time the COVID-measures prevented me to train at my own club, PH.
Every setback you overcome makes you stronger and brings wisdom.
The partnership between Joep and Keith knew its ups and downs, as every partnership does. They didn’t choose each other, I did that. This situation created some friction, but honestly, I think it was a good kind of friction. It really had a lot of value and actually helped with my road to Tokyo.
Because of friction you look beyond the obvious and find better alternatives.
A good example of this friction was Keith’s standardization approach, while Joep wanted to bring variation into my training. Standardization is the way to go to improve the basics and helps with needed focus. While variation keeps things fresh and makes you more flexible in the ways you can tackle a challenge.
But this year was about the basics, which was really tough on me, but it created a strong foundation for me to build on.
And if it isn’t challenging, is it really worth doing at all?
Now I am finishing up pre-camp in Chiba, Japan. I feel in shape and I feel fast, it feels like everything is coming together. Tomorrow we leave for the Paralympic village and my task now is to stay as fast and sharp as I feel right now. Maybe even sharpen that edge a little bit more.
Most of TeamNL is loads of fun, which makes this whole experience one I will never forget. Because sharing the experience is important and it’s the best way to create memories.
I am really looking forwards to the Paralympics and I intend to shine bright. Most of all though, I want to enjoy the whole experience, because no one can take it away from me!
When I look back on my journey to Paralympic top sprintster, the title should actually be; ‘The journey to myself’. In elite sports you are dependent on yourself, so if you drop the ball physically or mentally, you will immediately feel that during the race.
May 8, I opened the season in Lisse (the Netherlands) with a false start and the following week was the Grand Prix in Nottwill and my racing season started far from what I had in mind.
I tensed up during the race. Also, my preparation for racing was far from optimal. I a few aches and pains such as my tibial and SI joint in the lower back. This resulted in a loss of five weeks of track training. Only a few weeks before the competition season.
Another issue was that Keith could not come to the Netherlands and thus I couldn’t continue the upward line set in Stellenbosch. As a result, I lost an edge which I found in South-Africa. It is really time for Keith to over here, even if only to meet and catch up with Joep.
To make things even more complex, my orthopedic technician was away for three months to help soldiers in Armenia get back on their feet. As a result, my tube and blade are not ready for the competition season. My blade is too far from the tube and because of this you see a swing in my blade that costs energy. Also, this does not help me check my blade. I’m just glad this’ll be resolved after the European Championship.
Despite all these issues, I am still ahead of schedule and we have enough time to get to the competition level.
In Nottwill I qualified for the European Championship on the 100 & 200m. During the 200m I also broke the the Dutch qualification standard for the Paralympics in Tokyo. In Nottwill there were a number of issues that would immediately win some time. For example, we decided to start without a block. Reason for this was a lack of training with the starting blocks during the winter.
During my last 100m in Nottwill I regained that good feeling I was looking for. As a result, I now also know how to be in the race mentally to improve the next race. Joep helped me with this very well to get me ready for this specific race.
And that is mainly enjoying and believing in my potential.
Enjoy being able to race again after the Games were postponed and despite all Corona measures. I am allowed again and now I feel a lot more relaxed than when I started in Lisse. I had a lot of trouble with my partner and family not being present at my competitions. I just needed a few races to get over that. It feels less fun, competitions without an audience. But on the other hand, I can also be happy that there are races again. My next competition is May 29 in Nijmegen and after that the European Championship in Poland. Which I’m really looking forward to.
The only thing I keep saying is that I can write a book about it that you as an athlete will have to deal with in times of corona. It hits the sport and the experience around it hard. And I can put on my mask and pretend it doesn’t bother me, but that would be a lie.
Despite all of this, I still stick to my goal, which is to fly for life. Show people that there is hope and perspective that despite the wind isn’t in your favor, you can still do your best to get the best out of yourself.
That’s why I do what I do because I’m curious about the journey, but also about where my ceiling is.
